Stellar Lunch!

Yum! Today I had the most satisfying and delicious lunch. I created it with some of the things in my refrigerator and it was so darn delicious that I think I'll be eating often!

Chop up cilantro, tomato, avocado in a bowl. Squeeze the juice of one fresh lime over it and mix it up. Add in dashes of sea salt, garlic powder, and onion powder.

Grill a veggie burger.

Take the grilled burger, put 1/2 tsp of plain Greek yogurt on it, then add the salad mixture on top! Eat one or two and pair it with a salad! Delicious!

The Big Event

One week ago my little sister got married. It was a wedding that was beautiful beyond belief. Everything turned out perfectly. We had the perfect venue, food, lights, flowers, happiness...everything. The one hard thing that was difficult for me was the fact that I had not lost the weight I anticipated that I would lose.

When she was engaged last December, I did a mental calculation of the amount of weight I could healthily lose and the awesome dress I could potentially fit into. I bought the dress, made some goals, and was on my way. I have, as many of you perhaps, done this a lot! I plan my life according to how much weight I could lose, if I would really stick to it, by a certain event--that event could be a wedding, summer time, the new school year, Christmas, a party, and on and on.

It was hard for me to realize that I only accomplished a small fraction of what I set out to do. And, yet, it left me deflated that, yet again, I wasn't where I wanted to be. Two weeks before the wedding I started to just not eat so I could lose weight, but then I would be emotionally drained and I would go to bingeing. It was a bad cycle that I got pulled into and wasn't sure how to pull myself out of. I logically know that this is not productive, but sometimes--where food is concerned--the logical brain loses to the emotional brain.

On top of that, it was hard to have to try and find a dress, four days before the wedding, that would actually fit me because the one I bought would not. It was hard, as the Maid of Honor, to have everyone take so many photos of the two of us and to realize that I didn't want to see or own any of those photos because of how I looked. I felt pretty ugly and bad most of the day (partly because I got these horrific bangs cut, too, that just didn't look so great--but that's another story). I felt like a bad version of myself on a day that should be pretty darn important.

That was a big event and I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a certain way.

It was nice, today, to have the realization that I have no major event coming up, nothing to try and starve myself for, nothing to rush or stress about. I have each day to get up and try and do my best. Each day to take one day at a time and see those days add up eventually. I have time. I can be gentle and patient with myself and that's exactly what each of us needs to be, isn't it?

How are you gentle and patient with yourself when you wish you were accomplishing things faster than you are?

One Calorie at a Time

I don't know about you--but I'm a huge fan of this reality TV show. The only thing I feel bad about is sitting down to watch it when they are all sweating up a storm. I try and do squats, push-ups, and sit ups during the commercial breaks :)

Bring. It. On.

Chocolate Craving

One of my biggest go-to trigger foods is CHOCOLATE. Brownies, cupcakes, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, French truffles, and so much more. I seriously have a piece of chocolate almost every single day. With the realization that I haven't had any energy lately, that I've been sluggish and tired, that I have been overwhelmed and drained, it seems really hard to give up chocolate--but it also seems time to give up the way I eat it. I'm so freaking tired of being so freaking tired!

Luckily for me I have a new and awesome roommate for the month of October. Before I move into my new house in November, I have been blessed to live with my sweet Raw Food friend. Yesterday, I explained a bit of my chocolate drama and how I'm freaking out at the thought of not eating it in the forms that I always have. She told me that she was going to make me some Raw Brownies. I'm going to be honest--it did NOT sound good.

I stood in the kitchen and watched her make the dense part out of walnuts, dates, and raw cacao powder. That. Was. It. She made a mousse out of coconut oil, raw honey, cacao powder, and 1/2 an avocado.

I have to tell you--they were AMAZING! They were delicious! And they hit the spot! I am so lucky to be learning these things from her!

She just bought some sundried tomatoes and basil to make a pesto--I think I'm going to have to go look into how to make that one too!

Acupuncture--for the first time!

I decided to try acupuncture last week. A friend of mine goes often and says that it has changed her life.

I wasn't sure what to expect or what to look for. I went and the doctor started by taking my pulse--from that he knew I hadn't been sleeping enough (though the bags under my eyes, I think, could have told him that). He then looked at my tongue and said, "You're allergic to wheat, dairy, and sugar."

I had mixed reactions to that.

Reaction #1: Yep, I figured, all these years of achy joints, runny nose, clogged ears, and no energy--it makes sense.

Reaction #2: Holy shit--that means no more pizza, ice cream, or chocolate. What am I going to do! Ah! I have big emotional connections to those foods and they are just plain good! I'll never be satisfied again!

Reaction #3: Is this what I need to finally get healthy? This is a long journey...how can I follow through with all of this? Do I have the emotional energy to do all this stuff?

Then he put me on a table, stuck a bunch of needles in me, and I laid there for twenty minutes trying to figure out how to really change my life---realizing that, for the most part, I feel like I'm at the very, very, very beginning once again!

So--gluten free, dairy free, and sugar free.

I seriously don't know how to eat that way, but I'm going to start learning.

Coconut Oil Shine!

My hair has been pretty lack-luster lately. I don't know if it is because I get it highlighted too often, or because I have naturally coarse hair, or what--but my hair has been tangled, dry, brittle, and just blah. I went and got about four inches of the damage cut off, hoping that would help...and it didn't it. The dryness just crept up.

So last night I showered and then covered my wet hair in coconut oil. In the book, The Coconut Oil Miracle, it says that it is a natural conditioner. I woke up this morning and washed it out and my hair feels a lot better. I figure a few weeks of this treatment and I'll be able to audition for an ABBA music video remake! Huzzah!!

Emotions, Foods, Addictions, and Trying again

I'm back to blogging, and I'm getting back to taking care of myself. The last several months have been hard for me. I've been homeless for a large part of the time--staying on my sister's couch, a friends spare bed, and living out of a suitcase and my car. My life, which seemed so glamorous to many, quickly became one that no one would envy.

I haven't blogged on here, for a large part, because I'm embarrassed that I started eating fast food again, that I haven't really made time to exercise, that I have been overeating again, that I've been a bit of an emotional mess. To admit how hard it has been for me to eat healthy is hard for me, but then I realized that this blog is about being real. Very real.

The emotional trauma of my past job has made me seek out the place where I always just feel good--eating. Trying to find a replacement has been hard. Trying to keep changing those thoughts, has been hard. And when you entertain the thoughts you've always entertained, then you slip into all the old habits you've tried to change.

So, here's to starting again. Starting fresh. Being optimistic. Keeping hope alive. And not giving up.

Here we go again!