Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
"Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come , come." ~Rumi
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Becoming more aware is a path that you have to choose consciously. I think, at least for me, there are issues I have had my ENTIRE life--a negative tape player in my mind--that I never really thought I would ever get rid of. Much of it centered around food addictions/ purging/starving and all manner of eating disorders that I have had. After a lot of thinking, I can pretty much tell where most of it came from. While I blame no one, I see that certain things in my life triggered my brain to form in certain ways to protect itself.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I have recently heard a string of conversations, all on similar topics, that have made me ponder something that I haven't really ever thought of before--that of emotional genetics.
What is Emotional Genetics?
We all know that we inherit our physical characteristics, but what is less known is that we also inherit our emotional patterns. Traumatic events such as suicide, early death of a parent or sibling, financial ruin, abortions or miscarriages can impact the family system for generations. What is not addressed may surface in the lives of those who come later.
Not all psychological problems can be resolved with talk therapy. Sometimes we are deeply entangled in the family system and it shows up as limiting patterns. When we inherit what is in the family nervous system we may repeat the family fate. Self-sabotage, self-injury, chronic illness, depression, fear, anger, obesity, addictions and failure in relationships can all be forms of unconscious loyalties.
Emotional Genetics exposes the hidden patterns that keep us stuck and explores the effect of these unconscious loyalties on the current generation. Once we understand these bonds, we are able to free the current and successive generations from their influences, creating stronger, happier pathways for ourselves and our children...and theirs.
Lately I have had quiet time to ponder some things. Some of the things I have been pondering relate to a life time of relationships that never quite went where I anticipated that they would go. Thoughts about children I want to have, husband, family, support system, and the kind of person I envision myself being to take part in all of these things. I feel, every day, that I am getting closer to being the person I want to be--a person who is healthy emotionally and physically. These are vital to me before I undertake marriage OR motherhood. I don't want to pass on the things that my parents passed on to me.
I've been feeling a pull in thinking about some female ancestors of mine. Recently, over the last two years, I finally learned the truth about my paternal great grandmother. No one would ever tell me the story when I asked of her. They just shrugged. I always knew she had a hard life--but what I didn't know is that she married a scoundrel, whose name I still carry, who left her on and off to search the world for wine, women, and literally, song, (he was a part-time musician). Intermittently, he would come home and impregnate her, only to leave again before the baby was born, or shortly thereafter. My great grandmother, Anna, had three sons, was forced to take in laundry, live off the charity of her brother, and died in her early forties from an STD that she contracted from my great grandfather.
My maternal great grandmother, from old Mormon roots, did not fair much better as only ONE of many wives of a polygamist farmer.
Looking at the history of the Super Nova women, is it no wonder I have not had a relationship last longer than a few months? And while my most recent break-up was not what I wanted--in all the other scenarios-- I was the one who ended the relationship. I've been trying to think a lot as to why. I find myself at a loss.
Do any of you have ideas or insights into emotional genetics and its validity?
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
It's been awhile since I've REALLY written what is going on. It's still a battle. Some days are easier, and some days, like today, are a lot harder.
Friday, April 2, 2010
After a month of enjoyable walks that were pretty flat--I've decided to up the game. I climbed a mountain today. It was really tall. It was hard. I got all red-faced and out of breath. I decided to climb this mountain four times a week until it gets easy. Hold me to it. Ok.