Monday, April 26, 2010

Be Inspired

I seriously LOVE people. I LOVE life. I LOVE our journeys. This life is something
that has changed in appearance a lot for me over the past five years--but there is
one thing that remains the same--if we can love, applaud, accept, encourage,
each person we meet. If we can stop judging on appearances. If we can stop judging--period.
If we could smile at everyone. If we could intuitively see that each of us are simply doing the best
that we can--then--yeah, I'd say--that's inspiring.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

It's Time To Act

I watched this documentary last night.
It was phenomenal.
It made the problem larger than simply my world.
It made me want to act in ways I've never before imagined.
It made me want to be a voice--to be a solution.
It made me want to help.
It made me want to pay attention.
It made me realize that we need more than just a few voices about what is happening in America.

What is happening in America with food is not happening in other countries--because it has
not been allowed to happen. Norway won't even allow M&Ms to be sold in their country because
of the colored dye used for the candy.

And yet, somehow, somehow, America has become THE Fast Food Nation.

What can we do? What should we do?

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Keep Coming

"Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come , come." ~Rumi

When I find myself in states of illumination--no matter how seldom or often they come--I reach a level of calmness that doesn't accompany me in times when stress, anxiety, worry, sickness, imbalance tend to rule my life.

I'm coming to find--on this journey to awareness and complete health--that just because I have been aware and perfect one day, does not automatically mean that I will have the same experience tomorrow. It just doesn't. I thought it might...and maybe it will. Maybe I need more practice. Maybe I'll have to work at it every day. I don't know.

Something I am finding completely endearing about the human being, is the ability to hope, try, try, try, and hope some more. When you never give up, you never give up. And there is something truly beautiful in that....even if I'd rather be at a place of not having to keep dealing with the same.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Green Smoothie Recipe!

four tomoatoes
4 garlic cloves
one inch of lemon grass
one vegetable boullion cube
2 tablespoons nama shoyu
1 avocado
1/2 cucumber
4 tablespoons prepared irish moss
1 cup coconut milk powder
1 tsp curry powder
1-2 cup of greens like kale or spinach or romaine. You can even do soaked seaweed like dulse or sea grass
sea salt and cayyenne to taste
1 tablespoon of miso paste
1-2 cups water

Blend and enjoy. You can use warm water-- as it is more soup like.

So--I got the above recipe from a RawFood group I belong to. Things like this seem overwhelming to me because:

1. I do NOT know what "nama shoyu" is!
2. I have NO idea how to prepare irish moss and what it actually is!
3. I have NO idea where you buy lemon grass!
4. I do NOT know where to get coconut milk powder (though it SOUNDS delicious)

I am on a mission to discover the answers to these questions so that raw living can start becoming more natural and easy. If you know the answers, please feel free to comment!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Alternative Sweeteners

Lo Han Guo: A non-glycemic sweetener from Chinese medicinal tradition made from a type of wild cucumber.

Stevia: I recommend dried powdered leaves over extracts. This is a wonderful and easy plant to grow. It contains no real sugar, so therefore it does not feed candida or cancer. Look for organic stevia products.

Xylitol: This could be the sweetener of the future if it could be obtained with certified organic quality. Xylitol does not feed candida or cancer, but tastes normally sweet. Originally isolated from birch syrup; it is now available as a white powder.

Yacon: An extraordinarily easy to obtain and abundant subtropical to tropical tuber, relative to the Jerusalem artichoke. Yacon is commonly available as dehydrated chips and as a syrup. Look for organic products. Yacon syrup is rich in iron and only mildly glycemic. It is not raw.

Sweeteners to Avoid:
Refined white and brown sugars made from beet, sorghum, or sugarcane of all sorts, primarily due to genetically modified crop contamination, including:

Evaporated Cane Juice: Rapadura is one of the many names of this highly processed and highly heated product. This is almost pure sucrose, like maple, but lacks in minerals. Evaporated cane juice is known to aggravate all sugar-sensitive conditions from diabetes to candida to cancer. Evaporated cane juice can be certified organic. This product often sneaks into chocolate products, pre-made smoothies, and lots of vegan treats (because it is not processed with bone char).

Sorbitol: This sweetener is typically made from genetically modified corn starch. It was originally isolated from stone fruits of the genus Sorbus.

Other Considerations

The market is flooded with companies and products using all different kinds of sweeteners. Always select products containing certified organic sweeteners due to potential contamination from genetically modified corn and other crops that may contain glufosinate herbicides that damage your friendly healthy bacteria. Remember that certified organic sweeteners cannot be genetically modified (GMO).

This post was cut from an article recently shared by David Wolfe. Its entire content can be found at Sacred Chocolates website.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Pretty Fantastic!

Becoming more aware is a path that you have to choose consciously. I think, at least for me, there are issues I have had my ENTIRE life--a negative tape player in my mind--that I never really thought I would ever get rid of. Much of it centered around food addictions/ purging/starving and all manner of eating disorders that I have had. After a lot of thinking, I can pretty much tell where most of it came from. While I blame no one, I see that certain things in my life triggered my brain to form in certain ways to protect itself.

I think we have all done that in some way or other. These protective measures are things that we might not even be aware of. Lately, however, with certain patients in my job, I have seen them manifest in ways that I have used myself and ways that I have not. Bingeing, purging, starving, stuffing, cutting, extreme exercise, compulsive behavior, OCD, money issues, fear, panic, anxiety and an array of other self-destructive hurt.

These measures seem far from protective when you think logically about them--but that is what I have always known--the stream of thoughts in my mind were NOT logical and that is why I always felt so strongly that no one would really understand this voice in my head--and the only tool I had to battle it was the other voice that WAS logical. I could only get rid of it with MY logic. And, that just didn't work. My journey has been one of two minds. I have had a positive voice and a negative, illogical voice--both trying to be the winner.

I'm a smart girl. Things in my life have worked well for the most part. I have a stellar education, perfect grades, and excelled at all I tried--photography, writing, painting, directing, singing, acting, traveling, adventure, helping, teaching, public speaking, debate and the like. I say this with no ego present. I say it standing outside of myself and looking back at my life and realizing that I was LOGICALLY trying to prove my worth and importance to a world that I felt did not see me as worthy or important. In the end, the approval I received for my successes never felt enough because I did not feel enough. I felt plagued with negativity. I felt constantly abused by the illogical thoughts I let circulate again and again in my head.

I am healing. I am learning to change these thoughts--you've seen the slow progress I've been trying to make that last few months.

Again, I understand that what I am saying does not make sense, but it is the truth behind my sensitivity. Many people lead lives like this. Lives that appear normal, happy, full, and wonderful. Mine has been on MANY, MANY, MANY levels. I have fought that negative voice and won most of the time--but I never imagined what a life WITHOUT the negative voice would be like. I really didn't know. I have gone back and forth between convincing myself that all people struggled with that negative voice in their head--and the opposite, that no one did.

Now I know that I can be without it. I'm not completely without it yet, but I am getting there. The level of freedom my mind has experienced the past month without the constant food obsessions flashing red across my brain have given me a level of hope for normalcy that I never dared dream.

It's pretty fantastic.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Emotional Genetics

I have recently heard a string of conversations, all on similar topics, that have made me ponder something that I haven't really ever thought of before--that of emotional genetics.

What is Emotional Genetics?

We all know that we inherit our physical characteristics, but what is less known is that we also inherit our emotional patterns. Traumatic events such as suicide, early death of a parent or sibling, financial ruin, abortions or miscarriages can impact the family system for generations. What is not addressed may surface in the lives of those who come later.

Not all psychological problems can be resolved with talk therapy. Sometimes we are deeply entangled in the family system and it shows up as limiting patterns. When we inherit what is in the family nervous system we may repeat the family fate. Self-sabotage, self-injury, chronic illness, depression, fear, anger, obesity, addictions and failure in relationships can all be forms of unconscious loyalties.

Emotional Genetics exposes the hidden patterns that keep us stuck and explores the effect of these unconscious loyalties on the current generation. Once we understand these bonds, we are able to free the current and successive generations from their influences, creating stronger, happier pathways for ourselves and our children...and theirs.

Lately I have had quiet time to ponder some things. Some of the things I have been pondering relate to a life time of relationships that never quite went where I anticipated that they would go. Thoughts about children I want to have, husband, family, support system, and the kind of person I envision myself being to take part in all of these things. I feel, every day, that I am getting closer to being the person I want to be--a person who is healthy emotionally and physically. These are vital to me before I undertake marriage OR motherhood. I don't want to pass on the things that my parents passed on to me.

I've been feeling a pull in thinking about some female ancestors of mine. Recently, over the last two years, I finally learned the truth about my paternal great grandmother. No one would ever tell me the story when I asked of her. They just shrugged. I always knew she had a hard life--but what I didn't know is that she married a scoundrel, whose name I still carry, who left her on and off to search the world for wine, women, and literally, song, (he was a part-time musician). Intermittently, he would come home and impregnate her, only to leave again before the baby was born, or shortly thereafter. My great grandmother, Anna, had three sons, was forced to take in laundry, live off the charity of her brother, and died in her early forties from an STD that she contracted from my great grandfather.


My maternal great grandmother, from old Mormon roots, did not fair much better as only ONE of many wives of a polygamist farmer.


Looking at the history of the Super Nova women, is it no wonder I have not had a relationship last longer than a few months? And while my most recent break-up was not what I wanted--in all the other scenarios-- I was the one who ended the relationship. I've been trying to think a lot as to why. I find myself at a loss.

Do any of you have ideas or insights into emotional genetics and its validity?

Thursday, April 8, 2010


Yesterday on my hike I saw something rare and beautiful...a sweet little silver fox walked along my path with me for a bit. She was silky and smooth and beautiful. And she looked right at me. She stopped. I stopped. Our eyes met. I was alone in the woods, like usual. I was red-faced and a little out of breath, like usual. And there she was, smiling a foxy smile at me. It made me happy.

As I pressed on I realized that my time in the Alps, these four months, end in only three weeks. In three weeks it is on to a much more pressing schedule. I'll have more to do, less free time, and I will feel the effects of what "real" life does to me.

I feel a bit of fear in it. Can I still make time for myself? Can I continue on this path that I have started? My thoughts need rewiring still. I'm getting stronger, but I still have a long ways to go yet. The time for testing is coming near. The time to see if I can carry the new me into my new life.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Completely Amazed

(Totally random photo that came up when I searched for an image with "thought clouds above head"--sometimes I think this is what some of my thoughts look like.)

It's been awhile since I've REALLY written what is going on. It's still a battle. Some days are easier, and some days, like today, are a lot harder.

Do you know what is funny? I feel like I have so many different forms of advice that I have heard over the years, and I find myself still trying to incorporate all of them in various ways.

Think positively!
Think thin thoughts!
Will power!
Just don't eat that chocolate!
Be strong!
Why, oh why do you actually WANT a second helping of food when you know that it is not good for you?
Get a hobby!
Take a walk every time you want to overeat!
Comfort yourself in other ways!
Get up early and have a good start to your day!
Eat a healthy breakfast.
Carbs are bad!!!!
Carbs are good!
Certain carbs are bad and certain carbs are good!!!!!!
Is this a good carb?
I don't really like meat.
Meat is a healthy protein.
Pork causes parasites!
Eat every two hours!
Only eat three meals a day!
Eat grains in the morning!
Only eat protein in the morning!
Don't drink with your meals!
You should exercise longer!!
You should be gentle with yourself.
Be harder on yourself and get more done!

And on, and on, and on.

Is anyone else like this? I have found, this week, that I haven't made big changes to anything. I am eating relatively healthy. Yesterday, Easter, I was a little homesick and probably ate more food and chocolate than my body really needed--but mostly, I've been going about like normal and just being in a STATE of COMPLETE amazement at just how many, how often, and how annoying all these thoughts are. How did they get in my head? Is it because I have read too many health magazines, blogs, books, and listened to too many tv shows, gurus, and the like?

I keep feeling, somehow, deep inside, that I instinctively know what is right for me--and I'm still chopping away at all the other things I've allowed to take up space in my thoughts. I am, I think, on a journey to find that inner voice and learn how to listen to it.

What about you?

Friday, April 2, 2010

Upping My Game

After a month of enjoyable walks that were pretty flat--I've decided to up the game. I climbed a mountain today. It was really tall. It was hard. I got all red-faced and out of breath. I decided to climb this mountain four times a week until it gets easy. Hold me to it. Ok.