I have recently heard a string of conversations, all on similar topics, that have made me ponder something that I haven't really ever thought of before--that of emotional genetics.
What is Emotional Genetics?
We all know that we inherit our physical characteristics, but what is less known is that we also inherit our emotional patterns. Traumatic events such as suicide, early death of a parent or sibling, financial ruin, abortions or miscarriages can impact the family system for generations. What is not addressed may surface in the lives of those who come later.
Not all psychological problems can be resolved with talk therapy. Sometimes we are deeply entangled in the family system and it shows up as limiting patterns. When we inherit what is in the family nervous system we may repeat the family fate. Self-sabotage, self-injury, chronic illness, depression, fear, anger, obesity, addictions and failure in relationships can all be forms of unconscious loyalties.
Emotional Genetics exposes the hidden patterns that keep us stuck and explores the effect of these unconscious loyalties on the current generation. Once we understand these bonds, we are able to free the current and successive generations from their influences, creating stronger, happier pathways for ourselves and our children...and theirs.
Lately I have had quiet time to ponder some things. Some of the things I have been pondering relate to a life time of relationships that never quite went where I anticipated that they would go. Thoughts about children I want to have, husband, family, support system, and the kind of person I envision myself being to take part in all of these things. I feel, every day, that I am getting closer to being the person I want to be--a person who is healthy emotionally and physically. These are vital to me before I undertake marriage OR motherhood. I don't want to pass on the things that my parents passed on to me.
I've been feeling a pull in thinking about some female ancestors of mine. Recently, over the last two years, I finally learned the truth about my paternal great grandmother. No one would ever tell me the story when I asked of her. They just shrugged. I always knew she had a hard life--but what I didn't know is that she married a scoundrel, whose name I still carry, who left her on and off to search the world for wine, women, and literally, song, (he was a part-time musician). Intermittently, he would come home and impregnate her, only to leave again before the baby was born, or shortly thereafter. My great grandmother, Anna, had three sons, was forced to take in laundry, live off the charity of her brother, and died in her early forties from an STD that she contracted from my great grandfather.
Damn.
My maternal great grandmother, from old Mormon roots, did not fair much better as only ONE of many wives of a polygamist farmer.
Yikes.
Looking at the history of the Super Nova women, is it no wonder I have not had a relationship last longer than a few months? And while my most recent break-up was not what I wanted--in all the other scenarios-- I was the one who ended the relationship. I've been trying to think a lot as to why. I find myself at a loss.
Do any of you have ideas or insights into emotional genetics and its validity?
2 comments:
It's a tricky subject, but I do believe we carry on certain patterns of our ancestors. However, I'm a firm believer in that we create our own experience. We choose every step we make. If you find yourself in a re-occurring pattern that doesn't feel good, then inquiry about that. What is that you DO WANT in all your relationships? If it's referring to a life partner or husband/wife, what DO you want that relationship to look like?
I'm sure you've heard this before, but the more you think of it in this way, things will show up for you.
I definitely have (and still do) found myself in certain situations when I would catch myself and say, "this is what my mother does". But then again, so did her mother did and her mother, and so on and so on. The example I'm talking about is that most of the women in my family always put everyone else before themselves.
Stella, my dear, I have MUCH to share with you on this subject of emotional genetics. There are strongholds that stay wtihin families for generations... truly. An excellent book that deals with breaking these bonds is by Beth Moore.... can't think of the name of the book now but I'll find it and send you an email, off-blog (with more info, too.)
This is a very real thing. I've seen it in my own family ... with alcoholism, depression, suicide, etc.
And I have seen others deal with it, and break these strongholds. There's more to tell, but not suitable for an open forum. I'll send an email soon.
Much Love to you, sweet beautiful friend.
-T.
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