Last night, I took out this funny looking thing that I bought in the states called an enema bag. I didn't know what the hell to do with it. I read up online. I mean, I knew the gist of it. I've been to a Colon Hydrotherapist in the states and it was kind of awful...laying on a table, bare bottom, the hydrotherapist there (yes, a man, but somehow I took comfort in the fact that he was gay) shoving a tube up you and filling you with water and then releasing it as you watch years of fecal crap seep out through a tube in front of you. You just watch it sail by. You look at your CH and wonder how you should react. You do nothing. You just lie there, vulnerable, tube up your ___, and feel embarrassed that there is so much built up. Yep, you just lie there, did I mention you're exposed, and you know that the gay hydrotherapist is judging your bowels and you ALSO know that he has EVERY right because you've eaten ONE too many Mexican tortillas made from white flour than you should have! Ack!! To cover up your addiction to Mexican food, you try to make small talk, avert his eyes from all the years of stuff being forced out of you, but you just can't. This is the one time in your life you have no idea what to say. At all. Nope. Nothing. Just nothing. Just lay there and watch.
So, that was the last time I ever tried to clean out my bowels manually. Last night, I began again. It was kind of hard for one person. Where do you reach, how should you sit, can you make it to the toilet in time, is it supposed to feel like this? How do you work the bag valve (never figured that one out, by the way, just had to pinch it closed with my fingers as I filled the bag up). I ended up doing it all in the shower. Many people recommend doing it in your bed, laying down, with a towel under you just in case...how in the HELL does that work? I dont know, but I didn't want to take any chances. So in the shower I stayed. Hanging the bag from the shower curtain rod and then just sort of standing there and leaning to the side. Not my finest moment. I realize this. And after I did it, nothing really happened...until 30 minutes later when I was dressed, relaxed, lying in bed and contemplating my failed enema.
Final word: Success!! (I gage that by seeing lots more stuff come out of me than in a normal bowel movement)
Final word if you're NEVER going to shove a plastic tube ANYWHERE up your person: try Smooth Move tea, it's a natural laxative and pretty cool. I wish I had brought some with me here!
(I could have gotten WAY more detailed, and if you need that, let me know and we'll exchange a more personal email!)
6 comments:
It was like a train wreck.... I wanted to not look... but I HAD to! I read EVERY WORD!
Strangely fascinating, it was.... :)
Now go comment on my GREAT news about Haiti on my new blog... it's really awesome news! :)
Love you, beautiful friend!
There is a much easier way. Get your Doctor to give you a prescription for the stuff they give you before a colonoscopy. That stuff is wonderful. Just don't leave the house for 24 hours ;D
Had to laugh... my word verification to post my above comment was 'asholder'...
HA! The word verifications are sometime spot on for me! Yeah, I don't know how to ask for that stuff here in CH...but then enema was an adventure!
You are a brave soul. I have always wanted to try an enema, but never bothered. I have done colonics on myself when I was a hydrotherapist; THAT was a trip! Haha... what a crazy form of employment.
You are brave! Glad it worked fo you, though it sounds like not the most pleasant process. Congrats!
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