Liquid Kelp!

(please forgive how yellow my finger nail is. I'm not diseased. I was just making my turmeric capsules before taking this photo. Don't you love how my Apple Cider Vinegar is just sitting on the table, all pretty like.)

After my eating disorder, I lost a lot of hair. It fell out in clumps. It was gross. It never grew back quite right. I've been worried a little about thinning hair or fine hair. My hair has gotten a lot more fine the past three years, and I'm wondering why. One solution to healthy hair, skin, and nails is a daily dose of liquid kelp. I take it in water and it is tasteless. In reading up on it, it's also a miracle worker for your thyroid. If you've been a yo-yo dieter all your life, (like me and Oprah!) then you could easily have thyroid issues. Kelp helps. Plus it's full of good minerals and is easily assimilated into your body.

One website said, "Reports reveal that the ingestion of Liquid Kelp in Japan is partially responsible for their dramatically lower rates of breast cancer. Not only that but studies show kelp has a part in their lower levels of obesity, heart condition, respiratory disorder, rheumatoid arthritis, arthritis, hypertension, and thyroid gland problems."

So, give it a try!

Food Journal

I have to confess. Not that that is anything new, that's what the whole blog is about. But I have to confess that while this blog is super good for my super health....I hesitate putting goals on it, because, well, who am I to give advice? There is always this underlying fear (which I am slowly working on getting rid of) that all the things I have tried before won't work and I'll be in the same place as I have been before. But, I'm really tired of fear. So tired of it that I just don't want to allow it in my life anymore.

I have a hard time being vulnerable. I am a perfectionist. I don't like admitting that I have problems or that I may need help. I have a hard time trusting people. But on Wednesday, I reached out to someone. It's my boss, the most loving woman I've ever met. She's helped so many people heal and be well from mental and eating disorders. I asked her for help. This was hard to do, because I work for her. My brain and self is supposed to be pretty secure and solid. My job depends on it. I told her that I was really trying, but that it's been about two months and not a change on the scale.

She asked me a question that has been ringing in my ears,

"Are you really trying?"

To some that can seem harsh, but to me, it was a wake up call. Was I really trying...or was I still making some familiar excuses? I decided to take some serious action. I asked her if I could journal all the food I eat and all the emotions along with it and show it to her each week. Her opinion means a lot. I trust her more than I trust most people. It was a scary thing asking for that help, because it was admitting that I have felt a little helpless lately.

The amazing thing that happened is that as soon as I started writing down everything I ate, it immediately got better. Knowing someone I admire and trust so much was going to read over it and look at it has made me almost eat in a perfect way. Because, honestly, I know how to eat. Don't we all? I know what to eat and when and how much, but a lot of the time as you rush through your day you aren't aware, you are busy, you didn't shop right, you gave in because of emotions...

I can honestly say I've been eating perfectly healthy and it hasn't even seemed hard. I've made smarter decisions in my meal choices and in my shopping. I've avoided trendy diets (like getting rid of all carbs or something, which really isn't healthy) and I've not made excuses. And my chocolate consumption is almost non-existent, but I'm not missing it much. It just feels good to have someone to be accountable to and someone to trust and someone to lean on. I've been trying to handle all the emotional issues by myself for so long that I never knew how nice help could be.

If I can help ANY of you in ANY way, please let me know. I'd love to share what I learn from my boss, I would love to look over any of your journals or just be a listening ear. If you think it would help for me to put some of my food journal online so you can see it, I totally will.

I think there is something brave in taking accountability for your actions...and what we put in our mouths each day is something I want to be accountable for.

Homemade

Here is a pretty bowl that was in the apartment I'm renting. Basically, nothing in this apartment belongs to me. It's a weird feeling to have so little, but good too. Simple life. I hesitate buying things as I will be moving again soon to a country with different plug outlets. So, do you remember when I talked about the eggshell therapy for your bones? I was really good at saving my eggshells and boiling them. But how to grind them up? I have no coffee grinder, no appliances of any kind (not even a microwave really!) Sometimes I feel like some of my good pioneer relatives of yore....except I have downloaded every episode of Fringe, Season 2, on my iTunes! (but other than that....)

So, I decided to do it by hand. That's right folks. I got a little spoon, crushed up the eggshells and then ground them into small little bits. This took a long time. It worked my arm muscles in a big way. I counted it as exercise. Hey! Wouldn't you? I wanted to watch Little House on the Prairie as I did it ( I actually really miss that series, it defined my childhood!). I sat in my little kitchen and just worked and worked on them. Took about an hour. Not kidding. This is why pioneers never got into trouble. And why they were tired at night.

This is what I ended up with. My eggshells were brown, so they look all pretty, at least to me, but it was a labor of love. I then put all the shells into empty gel caps. Yep, I quickly went from feeling like a pioneer to feeling like a drug dealer. Pushing pills, making them all quietly in my kitchen! I also did it with Turmeric and Cayenne Pepper. I leave them in the pretty bowl, right by my fruits and then I remember to take two of each (one of the pepper) with my breakfast!

Who knew you could feel like a pioneer and a drug dealer all in one hour? Sweet! (I know, I need to get out more, I'm planning on making friends in Portugal, I swear.)

Just Relax

One thing that has to be apart of daily life is the ability to be yourself and to have your moments of zen and calm.

One of my worries about starting this blog was that I might call too much attention to sickness and things going wrong, instead of focusing on health, wisdom, and how perfect each of you already are. I didn't want to focus on anything else other than the love I have for myself and how I'm already pretty wonderful.

I have a problem of getting too obsessive about things. About worrying, having a goal, meeting the goal. I don't want this journey to be like that...and I think when we are talking about changing our bodies it is easy to get roped into that mentality.

So today, I took a break from all the thoughts on health, repeated that I'm already pretty perfect, and just chilled out.

Ahh.

Younger Looking You

I've finally found the PERFECT face cream for my sweet skin each night. I mix three teaspoons of organic, virgin, cold pressed coconut oil and mix it with

10 drops of Lavender oil

10 drops of Frankincence oil

3 drops of Lemon oil

Mix together and put generously on your face and neck at night (be careful for your pillow case!) It tends to last me about a week.

My skin seriously looks awesome and younger than ever! I'm planning on looking 25 when I'm 35.

I think it's working because last week I got fined on the train for having a student ticket. I didn't know it was a student ticket, the lady at the train station sold it to me without even asking me what my age was. I guess she thought I was a teenager (really? really? Don't worry folks, I know I don't look 16...thank god!) Yep, that's right, this face cream looks so good you'll get fined on the train for young looking skin! Huzzah!!

Gratitude

Recently I've started doing something that I haven't done in over two years. I started consciously blessing my food. My prayers are not the rote like they used to be. They are not how I used to say them. They are not in any sort of pattern. They come from my heart. They are full of so much gratitude and really really feeling grateful for the good things I am putting in my body.

Some of the good things I put in my body today are apples, spinach, tomatoes, ACV, turmeric, fiber, egg whites, carrots, apricots and fresh organic prune juice! Yum!! (it sounds kind of boring, but somehow, it was SO good today!)

Oh yes, and I've been starting each day off with tea, agave nectar and a dash of peppermint essential oil....perfect on a winter morning.

Gratitude for what you are taking into your body makes you much more conscious of what's being assimilated into it. Awareness, food, body= doing what is best for being your best!

Alternatives

I have a stumbling block. It probably echoes yours, in a way...especially if your brain has been wired like mine.

Here is a typical scenario when I binge eat. I get in a state of IGNORING the inner thoughts that tell me I shouldn't do this to my body. I choose to LISTEN to the other part (what I now call the negative mind) that tells me that I need this food, I want this food, being full is so great, this will be the last time, I'll do better tomorrow, if I just eat this up right now it won't be here tomorrow and then I can start FRESH and CLEAN and NEW and I will be ready to change then.

I ALWAYS:

1. Tell myself I will do better at a certain time in the future (even if it's only a few hours in the future)

2. CANNOT handle having left overs in my house. If I just went out to eat with someone and took left overs home...as SOON as that person leaves and I am alone, I will EAT (stuff them into my poor stomach when I'm not the least bit hungry) all of the left over food because I can't handle the thought of it being there tomorrow for me to eat. I have to get rid of it and try to start off with a clean slate. This is totally compulsive behavior that leads me to eat an entire package of cookies, chips, or ice cream so that it won't be there "tomorrow".

3. Hide this behavior from any and all I know (except for my sister, who saw a bit of what I went through, but not much) and pretend that food and I are completely normal with each other and that there is no LOGICAL reason why I carry around extra weight because I'm really a healthy person.

Now, on good days, I can really eat like a normal person. But I averaged about two to three binge nights per week. This is when I don't eat food at all during the day (at work) and then on my way home stop at three different restaurants/stores to get food and sweets to go home and stuff myself with all night long until I can hardly move, think, act, engage and etc. It's pretty fucking awful.

The one moment I KNOW would change all of this is the moment leading up to the binge that hinge on my thoughts. When I START to make false promises to myself of doing it just for today and then tomorrow getting better. When I just eat two cookies like a normal person and then I get out of control and go back eating more and more even though I really don't want to.

It all hinges on the thought patterns I have created and indulged in for some sort of survival reasons I'm just figuring out.

I know that if I could just FINALLY act in a different way to the thoughts then I could create new patterns and learn to be natural and normal with food. Because, mostly, I just give in to them and I think I kind of believe I will change, because I sound so convincing in my head, but in the end, I fear I will NEVER change. I also worry of going back to these same thoughts with the opposite effect (I got as compulsive, obsessive, and even deeper unhappiness by STARVING myself for many years and I still do on and off. Though, lately, I tend to binge and purge a bit more frequently...but I've made a promise to myself NOT to do this anymore.)

So---Wow. That was intense and REALLY vulnerable for me to just write.

But, what I'm doing now, each day (because honestly, I HAVE to take this new journey ONE day at a time or it seems just TOO daunting) is to visualize alternatives to those thoughts. To visualize myself in similar situations (which it's been very helpful to move away from old habits and food addictions to a place where I don't have them) and see myself CHOOSING differently and having three alternative reactions that I can do. One of them is to write. One to walk. and the other, well, I'll explain at a different time.

What about you? Have you thought of alternatives to the destructive thoughts you allow yourself to think??

Hello Stomach

This morning I did something I haven't really done very often. I had a conversation with my body. I did a 40 minute guided meditation and actually connected with my body in a way I can hardly explain. It was FREAKING AWESOME!!!! The meditation came from a CD that was in a book I recently bought called:

Body Mind Balancing: Using Your Mind to Heal Your Body by OSHO

The meditation led me to relax and listen to my body and to then have a conversation (yes, it was partially outloud...sounds strange, I know) with the parts I felt drawn to speak to. I went for it. I had a ten minute conversation with my stomach, kidneys, and colon. These are the parts that I felt most drawn to and the parts that I felt have suffered the most from my eating disorders. There are many times when I have stuffed or starved my poor stomach in ways that are far beyond cruel. When I treat my stomach this way, my kidneys and colon have to bare the after affects of processing all the crap I've put into myself or the lack of food I've NOT put in. In both extremes, my kidneys and colon have been stressed, irregular, hurt, exhausted, stretched, full and even hungry at various times.

It was a really weird thing, but I don't think I've connected with my body like that before. I mean, I was almost talking to my stomach like it was an entity with feelings and desires. And the thing is, since it is part of me, I think that it is. I think my stomach wants the right amount of food in it. It wants to feel comfortable. It wants to be able to perform it's job in all the glory it's supposed to. When I stuff it or starve it, I'm really hurting it's higher purpose and function (and thus, I'm hurting my higher purpose and function).

The meditation went on to have you address an issue your body is suffering from (I chose weight) and then it had you call that issue your "Guardian" because for some reason or other your issues has come out of some part of you that is trying to protect you from something. It has you think about these issues and then think about the ways you deal with these issues and make three alternative ways for you to deal with the issue (over/irregular/not eating for me).

It was REALLY fantastic and put me in a great mood for my day and also more in connection with my dear stomach, who I want to treat with love and kindness.

I have lots more to say on this and I'll do it slowly. But for now, this could be a great book for many of you to check out!

Walking on Eggshells

If you want to INSURE that you won't get osteoporosis, it looks like I've found something that's pretty solid to help keep your bones healthy and strong.

Take the shells of the eggs you eat. Wash them out. Boil them on high for about five minutes. Take them and grind them up into a powder (food processor or coffee grinder works) and then put a teaspoon in yogurt, cottage cheese, or whatever else you want to eat it in. This is PURE calcium that is easily assimilated into your bones, rebuilding them and keeping the density super, super strong!

As a sidenote (and what I have to teach my patients) yogurt with sugar is unable to give you the calcium that you need. Sugar blocks the assimilation into the bones. If sugar is bad for your teeth, it's the same for your bones, breaking them down and causing them to get brittle (one of the reasons sugary drinks are the WORST thing for you!)

So, eggshell therapy. I'm starting to do it a few times a week. My grandmother was hunched over by the time she was 70 and it just got worse and worse. I'm going to try and make sure that doesn't happen to me!

The First Chakra or Root Chakra

The element of the first chakra is EARTH. It's a foundation. It's rooting yourself to the Earth. It's stability and strength. I'm focusing on it this month. My meditations will be to the sound of the first chakra (O as in oh for the vowel sound or LAM for the seed sound). There are also a few yoga poses that helps you connect with the first chakra. I'm learning these right now.

If your first chakra is balanced

groundedness

physical health

bring comfortable in your body

a sense of safety and security

stability and solidity

right livelihood

prosperity

ability to be still

presence in the here and now

Excessive Characteristics

heaviness, sluggishness, slow movements

resistance to change

overeating, obesity

hoarding

material fixation, greediness

workaholism

excessive spending

Deficient Characteristics

fear, anxiety

resistance to structure

anorexia, underweight

spaciness, flightiness, vagueness

disconnection from your body

restlessness, inability to sit still

difficulty manifesting

Chakras 101

Taken from HERE

What are Chakras?
The word 'chakra' is derived from a Sanskrit word meaning 'wheel'; but perhaps even a better translation would be spinning wheel. If you could see chakras (as many of us whom work with them do) you would be able to see each primary chakra as a spinning vortex or wheel of energy; spinning inward from the front of your body towards the center point of that chakra on the kunilini and then spinning outward from that same point from your back.

Chakra Locations
The chakras start at the base of the spine and go up through the head on the kunilini which is located almost on your spinal column. The kunilini is shaped like a staff and many have mentioned that the Twenty-third Psalm of The Bible is speaking of the kunilini. Almost all religions believe in the spiritual and energy power points within the human body and these power points are called chakras.

There are seven primary or main chakra points with about a hundred smaller secondary chakras. The smaller points are often called meridians and are used during acupuncture to attune the Chi flow. The secondary chakra points are influenced with action and physicality while the seven primary chakras deal with emotions and spirituality. The primary chakras influence your health greatly, the health concerns related to them are caused by an unbalance in the chakra itself, from an emotional or spiritual cause, which then manifests into a physical ailment. Each chakra relates strongly to a specific part of the body, specific emotions, mental, and spiritual concerns.

Vibrations of Chakras
Each chakra has a different frequency of vibration, symbol, color, and sound that it is attuned to. When the chakra is balanced, clear, and energized it would be in tune and play the most wonderful sound of it’s own, emitting the proper vibration for that chakra. Many things can effect the vibrations including sounds of voice, drums, music, chants, mantras, the vibrational energy of colors, and of course gemstones. All colors and sounds are vibrations and using the sounds and colors of the chakras assist them in becoming aligned and balanced. The colors of the chakras are that of the rainbow; starting at the root chakra black/red, orange, yellow, green/pink, light blue, indigo, and violet/white for the seventh chakra; as shown in the picture above.

Each chakra needs to be able to function at the correct frequency independently. Each needs to be balanced, clear, energized, and properly spinning. Each time all the chakras reach a level of unison the entire physical vibration of the human body is raised.

Think of a scale of one to ten, with ten being the highest and best. Next, think of each chakra needing to be at the same number on that scale. Once each individual chakra is at the same number your entire physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual body raises into its own new vibrational level to match that of the chakras. The more chakra energy work you do the higher your whole body will be raised on this scale with ten being enlightenment while still in this physical human form.

Unbalanced and Blocked Chakras = Illness
When your chakras are not vibrating or spinning properly you are unable to move your physical, emotional, and mental body onto a higher spiritual level. When we are born we can have a perfect balance or have an imbalance from the past lives we bring with our spirit. Although the human body is just a vessel and a machine it is seldom broke from manufacturer reasons and natural biological causes. Each chakra effects different parts of the body and almost all illness is caused by poor chakra health. Illness is usually for us, or those around us, to learn higher lessons. You are given intuition and hints all the time about what you should be doing and how you should be living but we often ignore the words from Spirit and our higher selves. We are too often stuck in the reality and physicality of life to listen to our inner selves. Eventually, the chakras become out of balance and since you are stuck in the reality - the chakra manifests the energy imbalance into the physical; the health of your physical body.

When you have chakra blocks you slow down the Chi, the life force, and the spiritual connection. You may feel depressed, out of touch, like you lost something, tired, unable to clearly think, or listless. You may get angry for no reason, be afraid, be unsure of yourself, lack self-confidence, be unhappy without a direct understood reason, and have a general negative outlook on life. All of these are indications that you have a problem to resolve that is chakra based.

Balanced Chakras = Happiness & Health
Universal Love, Energy, and Knowledge (ULEK™) flows through the chakras. It is important that you try to maintain the correct energy flow through each chakra since you could also negatively be effected by a chakra being too open. Remember that balance in each, and balance in all in comparison to one another is what you seek. When the chakras are aligned on the kunilini and balanced the energy flows freely from the primal base to the spiritual chakra allowing us a grounded connection to a higher spiritual communication. Think of each chakra as a water valve and your goal is to have each on the same amount so the ULEK flows through the kunilini, uninhibited and constant.

Cure Yourself through Chakras
Most major illnesses and ailments are chakra based. Think about how when you feel uncomfortable and almost scared how your stomach gets in an uproar. This is your emotions, your chakra emotions, manifesting into your physical form. When you are no longer scared your stomach eases and returns to normal. Your whole body can be effected depending on the emotions and concerns you carry with you. Childhood and past life issues that you may not be consciously aware of could be the cause of your illness now. I am not saying that every single thing wrong physically is a chakra issue because we are human physical beings that is effected by nature and flukes happen. But on a spiritual level we choose the body we are in this time, or Spirit choose this body for us, for a reason and for lessons to be learned. Chakra work is not easy or painless. We often think we have resolved an issue mentally when there may still be emotional garbage attached to the chakra. We also have a tendency to bury things and those emotions are transferred to a cellular level in our bodies, so clearing those issues may take a lot of work to resurface and resolve.

Any of us who have done major chakra work will tell you that "Gee, I got it all fixed." We then raise to a new physical vibrational level and cope with those feelings of being in two places at once before we settle into our new physical vibrational level. Then just as we think we have it all together we will find more chakra issues to deal with. Often we can not see all the issues because something will be in the way. Once you remove that thing you can see what is behind it, more issues! You will know when an issue is totally cleared when you experience the release on all for levels; physical (you will feel it physically), emotionally (usually crying or screaming), mentally (understanding it like never before), and spiritually (feeling it transmuted into pure unconditional love). But fair warning... even after you think it is gone it can come back or you may not have resolved all the associated emotions, reasons, or spiritual concerns connected with the issue. So perhaps you can never really know if it is totally cleared but you will understand when that part of it is embraced and released.

As you progress to higher levels you will probably need assistance to bring the issues to the surface. We all need help and that is why people have talents for assisting others. Psychologists and psychiatrists help us with our mental and emotional problems which in turn assist the chakras. Our preachers, priests, rabbis and spiritual leaders assist us on the spiritual level. Our doctors help our physical being. So each in turn assist a minor part of the chakra healing and advancement work. But when you can incorporate all those things and healings into the focus of the problems - to each chakra, then you are making true advancements for your whole being.

What I do for you...

Hey guess what I've discovered this week?! The tongue is totally UNSEXY! All my romantic notions about the tongue have now been eliminated (along with my toxins! Ha!). When I use to think of my tongue, which wasn't that often really, images of some good French kissing and all the hot things my tongue did with various boyfriends would make me smile.

Now, I just think it's kind of this huge blob in my mouth that I never really looked at and I have been analyzing too, too much lately. And again, if you have EVER thought me sexy, please DO NOT look at these tongue pictures...hell, it's a losing battle...we should rename this blog, "Hey, if you EVER thought Stella was Sexy...here's the truth!"

For your viewing pleasure, my tongue after 6 days of oil pulling--let the pictures speak for themselves!

After my six days of cleansing, the toxins were just starting to leave. See the perfectly pink spot in the back...that's what we want ALL over!

After two days, you can see more pink, but still lots of white!

Here it is this morning. I don't know if you can tell, but the white fuzz is really leaving, and the pink is spreading all over the place.

Conclusion: I'm going to keep at the oil pulling, probably forever!